Monday, February 28, 2011

Straight outta Compton, a crazy motherfucker named Don Shaw

Jessica Arrant, welcome!!  I'm glad you made the leap and converted to Don-ianity, you're now a Deacon of Don, and that carries great responsibility.  Do not waste this opportunity to have all of your dreams come true.  The Don can grant that to you, I have witnessed it.  Keep the faith.

When miracles happen, and then get turned into movies, best to assume that THE Don had a hand.  Do you believe in Don?  Then you believe in miracles (i assumed the answer was yes).

Unfortunately, I have also seen the other side of that coin...it was terrible.  A man was smited today.  I'm sorry to say Deacons, fellow Disciple of Don, Charlie Sheen, was smited today.  Obviously he deserved it.  Don does not make mistakes.   Don cancelled the somehow hit show Two and a Half Men.  That decision was insanely appropriate, still, I questioned the timing. With Sheen just having returned from rehab and all, it seemed a little like kicking a man when he is down.  I promptly got a predictably strong backhand to the jaw courtesy of Don. Quickly reassuring me that The Don was right on this one, and that if i questioned him again, I too cold find myself smited.  He can be a harsh Don.
this image was the second result when i searched "smited" (not a real word, at least according to the squiggly red line the blog keeps giving me, hopefully you understand what I mean, or this could be confusing)

The foolish Charlie Sheen balked at the smite/semi-shun, informing Don that if he wanted him back on the show, it would have to double his pay, or some shit like that.  Don said fuck that.  "I don't want the show back, its terrible.  If I did, I sure as fuck would not want the drunken brother of Emilio Esteves, fuck that.  You take your fucking smite and you like it Charlie Sheen."
I'm not questioning you or anything here Don...but why...why would you bring these two fuckers into the world?  Also, why would you then allow them to get more vagina than me?  It ain't right Don.
(pictured above: Don's aberration)


You see, in the end The Don was right, Charlie Sheen is a little bitch, he deserved to be smited.  As expected, Don is not to blame.  I mean, obviously, I knew that, sometimes i just say and do dumb things.  I'm sorry, to Don, to the Deacons, but not to Bear Grylls or Charlie Sheen, those two are both still tools.  So that none of us, nor anyone else ever makes the mistake again, I have a list (surprise :) (gay smiley face from Tzo, double surprise))
 Kind of fuckin creepy, sorry about that.


The top 5 reasons Don is always blameless  
(as i typed that I felt a little David Letterman-y, and i hate myself for that)
1. Infallible.  The Don himself is never wrong, and is always honest.  I don't feel the need to elaborate any further on something so obvious. 
So obvious that no picture was needed to reinforce the statement...you get to look at pictures of cute cats, good job.
2. Blue Eyes.  If he was wrong, or lying about something, (impossible...but, hypothetically)you wouldn't know it, he has blue eyes, and they are deep, soul mesmerizing eyes.  The eyes of a super model who died and became an angel...just fucking beautiful.  I could and probably will write an entire post on Don's eyes.
 3 freaking hours i have been staring at them.
 Like this, but more angelic.
3. Bambi like soul.  From all the hours of staring into those eyes (the window into the soul according to someone), I can personally assure you, Don has the soul of a baby deer, its that fucking pure, and adorable, and not capable of doing anything that you would blame him for.  
 an injured baby deer, are u kidding me?  If you hate this, you are a monster.
4. Heart of Gold.  There are a million Don-unteer-ism stories, where Don volunteer to saves a whole bunch of peoples lives(see my previous post about the Alaskan Orphanage). A man like that deserves no fault.
you the man Don, the children are the future.
5. The Bottom Line..."And that's the bottom line, because Don Shaw said so!!"...sorry about that, quote i just heard come from his room.  I'm not positive, but i think he was borrowing Stone Cold Steve Austin's tagline.  It was super intimidating.  I assume he wanted me to include it in here.
Don could beat your fucking ass



I leave you with the wisdom Don just emparted on me..."West Side till you die"...true...true dat, double true.
Zip guns...it don't get much more gangsta

I would cry if this child wanted to harm me

Start looking more gangster...I swear to god, i'll ship you to an Alaskan orphanage.  The Don won't always be there to save you.

Original Gangsters


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