They see me bloggin', they hatin' patrollin and tryin' to catch me blogging dirty

The Don just kicked my ass in ping pong, as usual. Don pulled off more Spikes than a frat boy at a sweet 16 party (sick burn, bro).  I took my domination like a whiny 16 year old girl, stomping my feet, threatening not to eat (coming up with mad rhyme schemes), doing drugs and having pre-marital sex.  

When I calmed down, and ceased all the heroin, vicodin, and cocaine bombs, and all the sex with guys who didn't care about me or my feelings(probably went a little overboard with those two), I realized that I shouldn't have been upset in the first place.  Of course the fuckin Don beat me.  You're talking about a man who could have gone pro in damn near any sport he wanted to.  Hell, if the construction board had not come calling, and Don didn't have such great love for our state and nation as a whole; I imagine he'd be out there right now, playing on Sundays.  It got me thinking about how Don would fare in a few sports...sports...sports (fade into list).

Don came up with this sign, whatever the fuck it means.  Grave digger ahead?

Don vs. Sports "Greats"
Basketball
Why he'd be great: Height, the 'big' men of the NBA couldn't handle it (see Muggsy Bogues' domination).
Don vs. Lebron James
similarities: Massively hyped from a young age, Both Kings of their respective fields, Both olympic gold medalists.
differences: Don is not a giant douche-bag, James slightly more self centered, Don less likely to 'sell out'.

 Unlike Muggsy Bogues, Don is fantastic with a guitar

Football 
Why he'd be great: pick a player on the Raiders, I'll argue why Don is better.
Don vs. OJ simpson
similarities: Both gangsters, both have absurd combos of speed, agility, and power.
differences: Don is not a murderer, like OJ (allegedly).  Don would not be stupid enough to try and publish a book about his murders, if he had committed any.  Don is not in prison.

What a fuck-tard.

Baseball
Why he'd be great: Power, natural power.  Don could crush the baseball, not to mention, the path for Dons 'round the world has been paved (see: Don Mattingly)
Don vs. Mark McGwire/Sammy Sosa/Jose Canseco/Barry Bonds
similarities:  Winning smile, ability to captivate the nation with a race.
differences: Don doesn't need performance enhancing drugs, better at english, more loved by the public.

$20 says Don could still kick his ass

Hockey
Why he'd be great: Gracefulness, Don is one of the most graceful human beings i've ever seen.  He would float across the Ice like a swan, and be too pretty to hit, allowing him to score every play.
Don vs. Wayne Gretzky
similarities: Greatest in their respective fields, fantastic skaters,
differences: DON IS NOT CANADIAN, Gretzky is, easy to to be 'the great ONE', when you're the only person from your country of note.

 Don has never had a mullet, Advantage Don, plus, he's not Canadian.

 
Soccer
Why he'd be great:  Big ass fuckin' feet, fucker could probably kick the shit out of a soccer ball.
Don vs. Freddie Aidoo
similarities: As with Lebron, both Don and Freddie were both massively hyped from a young age, and considered the future of their fields.
differences: Don is not, nor would he ever be considered a bust, Freddie might be, I don't know, I don't watch soccer...this is America, and in America football is football.

Found these two waiting outside the house a few nights ago.

Tennis
Why he'd be great:  Until you're running sprints on a ping pong table, you probably can't understand his proficiency with a racket/paddle and a ball.
Don vs. Andre Agassi
similarities: Both are considered among the best 'service returners' of all time (ask wikipedia, idk), both have sex with incredibly hot girls.
differences: Don's hair > Andre's,  Agassi is a known meth head.

 Me about to get spiked on by Don...notice the fear in my eyes.

MMA 
Why he'd be great:  See previous post about beating the shit out of Bear Grylls.
Don vs. Anderson Silva
similarities:  Lightning quick strikes, both toy with lesser competition, both have belts.
differences:  Fuck Anderson Silva, Don gives his all every time and he's able to speak English while doing it, those are strikes 1 and 2, Anderson.

"Float like a butterfly Don, sting like a bee Don. His hands can't hit what his eyes can't see. Now you see me Don, now you don't.  George Haters thinks they (he) will, but I know they (he) won't."-Donald Shaw/Muhammed Ali