Saturday, February 19, 2011

I'm you're biggest fan, I'll follow you until you love me, Donnie, Donni-razzi

Once you reach a certain level of fame you're going to have copy cats, its just a fact of life.  Michael Jackson, Freddie Prinze Jr., Justin Beiber, Tupac and Biggie, they all have them.  Unfortunately, The problem has reached Elvis Presley-esque proportions where The Don is concerned.
Thank Don that The Don can never die, I never want to think of him this way.


Living the Don is not just a name, or a state of mind.  Being and/or following the Don is a lifestyle choice.  I'm trying to get social media networking to list it as an option for religion, relationship status and work history.  Friendster is considering it, myspace is considering it, match.com is considering it...facebook said no.
This photo of one of Don's very supportive young ladies was just sent to me.


Until i hear back from Live Journal and Yelp about adding more Don info/options to their respective sites, I've Decided to list 3 Don-sers (Don Posers) and grade their attempts to mimic The Don.
Live Journal, home of the Emo-s

3 Posers seeking to cash in on the name "Don" and how The Don will smite or has smite-d them.

Donald Trump: B-
Known by blasphemers as "the Donald", Trump's blend of power, conviction, money, and rightful arrogance all match up well to The Don.  However, that fucked up hair piece, and stupid "you're fired" line, are way too unimaginative and deceitful for The Don.
Maybe try wiping that stupid fucking face off of your stupid fuck face, Trump.

his downfall:  His stupid show "The Apprentice" is collapsing around him.  I'm too lazy to look it up, but i'm sure ratings are falling, even if they're not, it is still a terrible, played out show.  Fuck "The Donald" (which will soon be a name copyrited by The One True Don.)
After the law suit The Don will take over the show, ratings will shoot up, and i guarantee a better line than "you're fired!"...("HR says we need to downsize!!", "You are terminated!!" (done in Schwarzenegger voice), etc.)


Don Cheadle: C
Though there's no doubt about Don Cheadle acting chops, he can never hope to play the Don.  Not enough powerful sweetness in his voice; Doesn't have the looks to pull it off, sorry Cheadle.  (fun fact: in Hotel Rwanda Don Cheadle played a character based on The Don.)
I can't think of a more aptly named movie for a blasphemer like Cheadle.  ("BLASPHEMER", maybe)

his downfall: Destined to forever act in Ocean's movies with George Clooney (see Oceans 11, 12, 13, etc.)

He'll be playing the smooth talking mastermind in your fucking nightmares forever, Cheadle.
 
Donald Duck: F
The Don is not amorphous, he is not a cartoon, he is not a duck, he does not have a stupid sounding voice.  The Don himself has instructed me to emphasize the fact that he is not amorphous...The Don is all man.  This Don is doing a fucking terrible impression.  Quack, Quack, Quack...translation: try again motherfucker.
The Don, Mickey Mouse, that puts you a least third on the list, Mr. Duck.  Third is nothing to quack home about, nice genitals, btw. 
his downfall: It's a little known fact that Donald Duck was once a real person.  Back then he was Donald Robinson.  When Don found out about the act Mr. Robinson was trying to pull, he turned him into Donald the duck.  The Don can be a cruel Don.
Donald Robinson, moments after being turned into Donald the Duck.


In the end, they all get Fs, the Don cannot be replicated.  There is no such thing as Don-plicity (you thought that was a word?  buy a dictonary, Fuck Tards 'R US).


So remember, you shameless "Don"nabes, it is completely normal and downright noble to worship the Don; but attempting to make yourself into a false Don will eventually lead to your downfall.


"Take my hand and we'll make it I swear, oh oh, we're living on The Don.  Oh, Oh, we're halfway there, oh, oh, living on The Don"-Bon Jovi, "Living on The Don"

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