I plead the fifth

Yep, so, Don beat me again.  He is the best at everything.  He beat me at poker and totally didn't have to buy back in or anything.  He beat me at beer pong.  He was the life of the party, the most popular guy in the room at all times, and went to bed with 5 women....5? 5 Don?  Why 5?  What the fuck did you all do?  Was there a fucking tea party going on in there that I was not invited to?  5?!  Don damn it!  

"1, 2, 3, 4, fif."  I kept hearing Don sing that all night.  Ridiculous Don, 5!!!I know it's blasphemous to say, but you can be a real greedy bastard.

So I was forced to sit up all night (alone)pondering what they could have been doing.  I came up with 5 things.

The 5 things Don and those 5 women could have been doing.
1.  6-some-this is the most likely of the possibilities.  Don's body is a weapon of mass seduction.  Frankly, I would be impressed with each woman's will power if they didn't all bang him.  My only issue with this one is I am not sure if a 6-some is a real thing.  It might just be two separate three-somes on the same bed.  Oh. Never mind, Don just assured me that it is a real thing and that it is one happened.  That renders the rest of this list unnecessary...fuck it.

 Don's government required scarlet letter.  By the time most women get close enough to read it, it's too late.  

(pictured above:some fucker apparently thought up this genius phrase before I did, I was shocked noone had when it hit me last night.  For some reason since I had never heard it I assumed I made it up, the above picture was a big let down.)

2.Having a tea party-most logical explanation
3. Sleep Over!!-I was pulling for this one.
4. Hide and go seek-turns out they kinda were.
5. Watching a movie-I would have voted for finding nemo.


This may be somewhat of an issue friends.  Don has used his weapons of mass seduction numerous times, and i believe he will use them again.  While this is a great thing for women everywhere, who will be more satisfied than they ever thought possible.  The world is already overpopulated, and I am not sure what we need is a bunch of super strong baby Dons running around.  I beg you Don, no more pregnancies!!!  Please, be the hero i know you can be...In the end, I will trust your decision, I know it will be right.

You made the earth sad Don...i don't wanna say that's not cool, what with you being The Don and all, but come on, look at his face.  He looks exhausted.

ha ha, take that stupid earth.  Earth 0, Don's Penis 1