Love is a battlefield

There we stood in the Garden of Good and Evil at the center of FSU's campus, Don and I ready to brawl against Ranger Rob and the Mighty Morphin Bob Rangers.

that's supposed to read "Bob Rangers Ninja Storm"...stupid internet.

   The Bob Rangers, VS.

Sting (my alter ego) and Robo-Don, protector of all men and machines

The Dastardly attack dog Drew is sent out first, the laser from Drew's eyes shot right at Don's back, I dove in front, valiant, but foolish, it would be the end of my life...I'll be blogging from Don Heaven from here on out, i suppose.

Hello Darkness, my old friend.

I left my master but one request..."Vanquish me!"...and vanquish he did, Deacons.  He refocused on the fight, shooting those beautiful blue beams out of his eyes, freezing Drew-cifer in his place. "I guess the Attack Drew couldn't stand up to the Attack Don" he snidely yet coolly remarked.  To be clear, he didn't kill the dog, just suspended it in time, this is a family blog.

 "I told that motherfucker, Don ain't never scared! What?! Don ain't never scared, Don ain't never scared"

Next up was Tommy "the Tommy Gun" Smith (I'm not sure why the Rangers insist on copying the Asian bad guy karate movie strategy of attacking one at a time, always baffled me.), foolishly charging at Don with nothing but a club, counting on his brute strength to win him the battle.  Rightfully so, I guess, Tommy's pretty fuckin strong, he once beat me in arm wrestling like four or five times in a row...but that is a story for another day.  Tommy lunged at Don, swinging his mighty club.  Don easily ducked under the club, utilizing his 'Flash' Shaw speed, and immediately connected on a punch to the kidney.  It was brutal.  Tommy immediately collapsed in a heap upon himself.  He was finished...one punch.  He had forgotten about Donald Shaws super strength, which is unrivaled.  I once saw Don bench press 550 pounds...30 times...the man is a machine, swear to Don.

I almost forgot the part where Don blocked the club with his arm and snapped it in half.

Last but certainly not least of the minions to attack was Aimee-baby.  She casually strolled up to Don, smiling and playfully winking at him...a lesser man such as myself would have instantly melted, but not Donald Shaw.  Donald merely looked at her with his piercing blue eyes, and asked "hey what you drinkin babe?"  Genius...Donald had decided to play along, before long, the two found out that they were both, in the words of the fantastic Lady Antebellum "just looking for a good time."  Aimee gave Don her number, hinting that if he called tonight he might just get lucky.  Aimee withdrew from the fight, neither she nor Don knew who's side she was on anymore.  He didn't quite trust her yet, but, he just might love her.  Still that might be her plan along, we didn't know the answer to that at this point, disciples.

 Don and Aimee's battleground

Clearly miffed by Don possibly stealing his girlfriend Ranger Rob finally stepped up to attack.(I feel ya on that one Ranger Rob, it's like the women i pick up (that's right, plural) think that just because i worship Don they are obligated to have sex with him (they are)).  Kinda frustrating sometimes, so, I feel ya dawg...we're still mortal enemies, but, I feel ya.  Without his cronies Ranger Rob was no match for Don, a quick backhand and a pat on the ass and Rob was praying for it all to end.

Not so bad ass now, are you Ranger Rob?  You gonna cry?  Huh, is the little baby gonna cry?  Oh, no, life didn't turn out to be all you thought it would be, did it?

Don spent the night with Aimee, while she massaged his wounds, which appeared to mostly be on his penile area (weird, right?).  Judging by the moans emanating from the room, Aimee had found a new side.

Artist's re-creation of what I saw when I walked in to the room...Don wouldn't let me take pictures, again.  I'm sorry.  For a man who is literally a god, he can be kinda shy sometimes.

So he banished Rob from the great Tally, Rob was crushed...where would he find another capital city, college town with an historically black college nearby?  Dear Don!  Rob would have to go back to Baton Rouge, dear Don indeed.  So he sunk his head, heading for the rolling hills of Baton Rouge, screaming some shit about "having his vengeance or taking it out on the world", but i had kinda zoned out.  Didn't seem important, i don't know.

How're you gonna take the World out on a date Rob?  Why would he wanna take the world out..whatever, to each his own, i suppose.

So to summarize the day,, Don kicked some ass, got the girl, and banished the bad guy...just another day in the life.

PS...No animals were harmed in the making of this blog post (it feels really cliche, but i figured i'd throw the joke out there and see what happens, fuck it.)