Don-pire state of mind

Join the Don-pire!!


My Don be like ooooh ahhh, oooh ahhh....


Don wants Tallahassee to be like the ATL of Florida.  We need to be bigger, and more gangster immediately.  We true Don-stremists can make this happen, its just gonna take a little work. 

5 ways we can "ATL-ize" Tallahassee (Don's words, not mine)
1.More People- we're all gonna have to start fucking alot.  Don's already doing his part, he has got at worst 5 illegitimate little kids running around.  He'd be a terrible person for that if he wasn't The Don.  Us mortals have to live up to our obligations, have lots of kids, but be there for them. (this message is brought to you by 
abettercommunity.org).  Besides, how many religions tell you to get your fuck on with as many random strangers as possible?  I haven't checked, but, Don-ianity is probably the only one...join the cause!!!

Everyday of parenting is probably like this.  Super cute, and super hilarious, why wouldn't you want an army of these cute little bastards?

The athletes here already have a great history of having lots of kids and forgetting about them.  This man should be your idol.

2. More, better businesses-You fuckers all suffer from a massive lack of creativity.  Take a fucking chance, lets grow some businesses.  You know the fuckin illegitimate government that we have in power right now will give you money to start a business?  look that shit up, if no one comes up with "The Pussy Factory" in the next few weeks, I'm gonna be seriously fucking dissapointed.  I'm not sure what the business will do, but, figure that shit out.  I'll be there.

If this is what you were thinking in the line of product for the pussy factory you should probably just skip it.  Let  a more creative, successful, and generally better person have the idea.

 

3. Crime Rate-ATL is slaying us in the number of stabbing get it?  Slaying us?  God damn I'm funny.  Seriously though, this is unacceptable and makes us look like a fucking joke.  Stab some people in the name of The Don.  The Don Shaw in the high-est.  Let's all try to stab 3 people a week, I pray this will be enough.  I know this may interfere with our plan to grow Tallahassee, but, think small.  Baby steps (which if you've Don your job Don-iac you should know plenty about in approximately nine months), we'll figure it out later.

Ahh, I almost forgot, one kinda important rule.  Do not stab your babies, that does not count as a legitimate stabing!!!  (pictured above: super cute baby single-tearing it)

4.Piss poor advertising-I say piss poor advertising, because it'd be better advertising than Tallahassee's had in years. Baby Steps. I lived in Baton Rouge for years, a mere 3 states over, and never heard a fucking peep about Tallahassee.  At least now, the parent company on the show The Office is based out of Tallahassee, but come the fuck on, we need more!  More shout outs from famous people, more billboards, more famous things and places, step it the fuck up Tallahassee.

 I mean, come on, it was good place to be in the 90s, can we at least try and make it a little cool today?

5. More rappers-Statistically, every third person in ATL has an album out.  We are seriously lacking.  ATL has rap battles like the west had deuls.  It's fucking insane.  We need it.  I have not been shot a single time in the heat of a rap beef.  What the fuck Tallahassee?  Step it the fuck up. 

More rappers should also up our illegitimate baby count, and our shank count.  (pictured above: the realization that 50 cent is probably not that gangster)

Maybe the pussy factory could be a rap-battle place?  Idk, I'm no entrepeneur, just a thought.