Don's latest greatest mandate

Sorry friends, I kinda blew up on that last post, maybe a god like Don can withstand the pressure of trying to dedicate a blog to his hero (himself), I, a mere mortal lack that ability.  Still, the story goes on, bigger and better things are on the horizon for Maximus Donius.

Last week, Don made a move for the sake of our state, our wives, our children, and our pets.

Last week, Donald Shaw mandated that our governor Rich Scott issue an executive order.  The Governor whom Don personally picked to run the state of Florida.  State employees would no longer be all about drugs, cash, and free love.

(pictured above: degenerate state employees)

Fucking hippies.

Through the mouth of Trick Scott, and from the heart of Donald Shaw came the greatest executive order of our time!  RANDOM DRUG TESTING FOR STATE EMPLOYEES, effective immediately.  As order by Don.  Unfortunately to Tricky Scott and his fact cats downtown, immediately means 60 days from when the order was issued.  Don has assured me there will be consequences.  Both for those free loving hippies living off of tax payer money, and for the fat cat senators who drug their feet instituting his policies.  

(pictured above: a fat cat Senator dragging his feet)

There will be no drugging, and certainly no dragging of feet under Don's just rule!!!!

Join me tomorrow for part two, the discussion of how this will effect state employees, government, our wives, pets, and the children of this great state.

Welcome to Shawville, where sexy never left.

This message is for the ladies....STOP!
Do you have any idea how annoying it is to get 30 or so emails and phone calls a day? Now think about being a guy in that scenario, a guy who likes vagina.  Now let's pretend you're you.  Why would you think it was okay to contact me begging for another man's penis?  WHY?!  I hope you know I cry at night because of you.  I understand that The Don is the best looking male in the state of Florida, but come on.  Show a little respect for a fellow human being, and please, stop torturing me.  Ms. Demi Moore, if you're reading (which I know you are, you're fucking obsessed) I'm two calls away from filing a restraining order.  The point is ladies, we all love The Don, which is a good thing.  Just please, show a little respect.  Limit your interactions with Don to sleeping with him, or catcalling, and leave me out of it.  I can't fucking take it anymore.

Don-pire state of mind

Join the Don-pire!!


My Don be like ooooh ahhh, oooh ahhh....


Don wants Tallahassee to be like the ATL of Florida.  We need to be bigger, and more gangster immediately.  We true Don-stremists can make this happen, its just gonna take a little work. 

5 ways we can "ATL-ize" Tallahassee (Don's words, not mine)
1.More People- we're all gonna have to start fucking alot.  Don's already doing his part, he has got at worst 5 illegitimate little kids running around.  He'd be a terrible person for that if he wasn't The Don.  Us mortals have to live up to our obligations, have lots of kids, but be there for them. (this message is brought to you by 
abettercommunity.org).  Besides, how many religions tell you to get your fuck on with as many random strangers as possible?  I haven't checked, but, Don-ianity is probably the only one...join the cause!!!

Everyday of parenting is probably like this.  Super cute, and super hilarious, why wouldn't you want an army of these cute little bastards?

The athletes here already have a great history of having lots of kids and forgetting about them.  This man should be your idol.

2. More, better businesses-You fuckers all suffer from a massive lack of creativity.  Take a fucking chance, lets grow some businesses.  You know the fuckin illegitimate government that we have in power right now will give you money to start a business?  look that shit up, if no one comes up with "The Pussy Factory" in the next few weeks, I'm gonna be seriously fucking dissapointed.  I'm not sure what the business will do, but, figure that shit out.  I'll be there.

If this is what you were thinking in the line of product for the pussy factory you should probably just skip it.  Let  a more creative, successful, and generally better person have the idea.

 

3. Crime Rate-ATL is slaying us in the number of stabbing get it?  Slaying us?  God damn I'm funny.  Seriously though, this is unacceptable and makes us look like a fucking joke.  Stab some people in the name of The Don.  The Don Shaw in the high-est.  Let's all try to stab 3 people a week, I pray this will be enough.  I know this may interfere with our plan to grow Tallahassee, but, think small.  Baby steps (which if you've Don your job Don-iac you should know plenty about in approximately nine months), we'll figure it out later.

Ahh, I almost forgot, one kinda important rule.  Do not stab your babies, that does not count as a legitimate stabing!!!  (pictured above: super cute baby single-tearing it)

4.Piss poor advertising-I say piss poor advertising, because it'd be better advertising than Tallahassee's had in years. Baby Steps. I lived in Baton Rouge for years, a mere 3 states over, and never heard a fucking peep about Tallahassee.  At least now, the parent company on the show The Office is based out of Tallahassee, but come the fuck on, we need more!  More shout outs from famous people, more billboards, more famous things and places, step it the fuck up Tallahassee.

 I mean, come on, it was good place to be in the 90s, can we at least try and make it a little cool today?

5. More rappers-Statistically, every third person in ATL has an album out.  We are seriously lacking.  ATL has rap battles like the west had deuls.  It's fucking insane.  We need it.  I have not been shot a single time in the heat of a rap beef.  What the fuck Tallahassee?  Step it the fuck up. 

More rappers should also up our illegitimate baby count, and our shank count.  (pictured above: the realization that 50 cent is probably not that gangster)

Maybe the pussy factory could be a rap-battle place?  Idk, I'm no entrepeneur, just a thought.

The Don, keeping it real

The Don kills it, he's the best and he deserves everything.  Do you want to be the best?  Do you want to keep it real?  Do you want to deserve everything?

Tonight i give you a brief list of things you can do to bring yourself closer to emulating The Don and the magic that is Donald Shaw.


5 ways your poser ass can be more like Don
1. 1+ vaginas a day makes the sexiness stay
Not a day goes by where Don doesn't get vagini, its like eating to Don.  Don's heirarchy of needs: Vagini, Sleep, Eat, Drink, look good.  Ladies is pimps too, go on brush your shoulders off, and have sex with multiple men, which will in turn make everyone's job easier...We can't all be Don and bang virgins all the time.

Don's vagini line up for this week, eat your heart out aggies, cowgirls love The Don.

2. Dress the part, look the part-while some state agencies require a tie to be worn daily, you, the Donnabe in training should keep it real.  Business casual, fuck the institution, if you wear a tie, Don hates you, and can easily identify you as a poseur ass pussy.  Take off the fucking tie future business man of America, or prepare to eat Don's fist.

This guy does not get punched in the face, bow ties are the shit.

3. Be smarter than everyone ever, and know it- The Don is smarter than me, I know it, he knows it.  Still, we can all  vie for the number two spot.  We'll never be Don, obviously, we're not good enough, but we can try to be just slightly worse people.

 Your brain is a pussy.

4. Volunteer-Don volunteers for all kinds of shit, breast cancer walk-a-thons, children's cancer tel-a-thons, benefit concerts, fucking everything.  If you wanna be like The Don, you gotta be selfless, but at the same time know that you're the most interesting, best, most deserving person, dead or alive.

 Don's kind of self centered, but in a cool way

5. Keep it real-for us normal poser ass Donaabe mortals, sometimes, keeping it real goes wrong.  As evidenced by Dave Chapelle's famous skits.  For Don, keeping it real never goes wrong.  Don is never embarrased, hurt, or scared.  We have to minimize our keeping it real going wrong.  To be like The Don, you've got to stop getting played, and be a pimp all the fucking time.  This is the most important part of being The Don!  KEEP IT REAL!

Why Don should be on the FSU basketball team

Following is the excerpt from an email I sent to the FSU athletic department regarding Don joining the FSU basketball team. FSU basketball needs help...it needs The Shaw-man.

 (Pictured: a native american (probably a Seminole) shaman, "leader" of the spiritual world who would murder for 1/4 of the powers the real Shaw-man possesses.)

5 reasons Don would make FSU basketball better.

1. In you face defense- Yesterday I fool-heartedly attempted to steal one of Don's cigarettes, you know, just to have a peice of the man-god.  The fucker is a brick wall, I couldn't go through or around him.  Everytime I tried to go through him he sets his feet just in time to 'take the charge'.

taking the charge in this case meant breaking my ribs.  

(pictured: an idea of what my ribs looks like, only mine are more broken, and less attractive)

2. Proven winner- Don has never once lost in an NCAA basketball game.  UNDEFEATED, Don is perfection, perfection is Don.

(Pictured: Don's date from last night, if you can call having extremely loud orgasms all fucking night long a date)

3. 3 point shot- I have literally never seen Donald Shaw miss a three, i'm not certain anyone has.  God knows FSU could use a little offensive spark.

I guarantee you FSU, you will hate yourself forever if you pass up on a chance to sign "the white MJ" as Don is commonly referred to as.

4."Hard work! Pays off!"-Josh Koscheck...They're  similar not only in fighting styles, but also, mantras.  The Don is an ardent believer in hard work.  He doesn't necessarily need to work hard, what with his Don given talents, but, he does.  Think Kobe Bryant staying late after games to shoot around is impressive?  Don shoots around even when there hasn't been a game.  He would push himself and the FSU basketball to new heights...which leads into our next reason...Don's NFL combine topping vertical jump.

The abs and goofy hair are other similarities.

5. Something like a 45'' vertical
he may come off a tiny bit on the short side, then again, he's perfect, so maybe the rest of us are just giant freaks...regardless of his wrongfully attributed "vertical challenge", Don's got mad ups...has aNYONE EVER SEEN The Don jump?  He looks like a fucking bird, just shoots right up there, it's crazy.

You would need 4 of these to measure Don's vertical, and 2 of them if you were looking to measure his penis.

FSU baketball, if you want to follow LSU's lead and win a big game against Texas A&M, please, heed my advice.  You need Donald Shaw...It's nothing to be embarrassed about, everyone needs a little Donald Shaw sometimes (read: all the time).

Eat your heart out you stupid fucking Aggies.

P.S. If FSU does not add The Don, I will use that as an excuse to pick against them in every bracket i fill out, this is a promise.

Don's voice, and why it makes angels cry

Because it is fucking heavenly.  I cry like a little girl everytime I hear it, it's just so fucking beautiful.  I cry like there's a touching episode of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition on.  That fucking meaningful.  I cry like it's the episode of a reality tv show where the contestants go home. That fucking touching.  Finally, I cry like I'm hearing the fucking national anthem, I'm that fucking proud.  The voice is heavenly.  

I know sweetheart, just when you thought you were Done crying from the orphanage ordeal, fucking Ty Pennington comes on tv and tells you that "the renovations begin now", that shit gets me too.

Words really can not express how beautiful his voice is, so i'll try to tell you what a few songs would be like if The Don graced the tracks with his magnificent voice.


5 songs that would be infinitely better with Don in them.
 1. "Love Song"-Sarah Barellis-Don would turn this beat into a true fucking love song, bitches would be tearing up all over the place.  Straight slitting their wrists from the heartbreak of Don not writing them a love song, cuz they asked for it, cuz they needed one.  Fuck that shit, The Don is The Don.

Bitches be cryin'.

 

2. "umm bop"-Hanson-Yo, can u fucking imagine Don combined with the flowing locks of the Hanson brothers?  That shit would be amazing, Don head banging to umm bop, beautiful brown mane bouncing all around...holy shit, I just got light headed just thinking about it...man, mind blowing.

Can you imagine Don gangsta leanin in the background, epic.

 

3. "I'll make love to you"-Boyz II men-Three words...Panties Dropping Worldwide

4."Gangster's Paradise"-Coolio-Don's voice on this track would lend some much needed credibility to this wanna be gangsta album.  I think when he hit the "tell me why are we so blind to see that the ones we hurt, are you and me" part...I think a lot of people would think differently about their lives.  Especially troubled minority youths.

Dear Don...Coolio, please contact Don, this child needs this track badly.  

(pictured above: the Youth of the Nation)

5. "Bohemian Rhapsody"-Queen-Don's voice would make this already epic track super-epic.  This song with Don's voice is the stuff of legends.  The range of emotions, the crazy 'cock out' rocking, all redefined with Don's ear splitting (in a good way) vocals. 

What are the four elements?  Don (soprano), Don (Alto), Don (tenor), and Don (Bass).

Yo Ryan Seacrest, get this man a spot on the next Idol tour, or I will straight murder that british fuck Simon Cowell, no bull shit Seacrest.

Keep taunting The Don and I, Cowell.  Your time is coming.

"There are no great men, only great challenges that ordinary men are forced by circumstances to meet."-William F. Halsey

warning: this post is probably not funny.

William F. Halsey, you sir are a fucking idiot.  Don is a great man.  He is a great man who shits on great challenges.  For Fun.  A man who walked through the gates of hell just to pants Hitler.  A man who punched Chuck Norris in the face for having a number of misappropriated 'facts' told about him.

Not so tough without pants, ey Nazi? (On a side note, I'm 87% sure the numerous Hitler/Nazi searches I have done for this blog have landed me on some sort of government watch list.)

Chief Among these:
"There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live"-obviously this privilege belongs to The Don, and The Don alone.


"Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?""- again, Don is our sole creator, only he can alter a being's DNA.  I can't wait till these blasphemers and their pajama pant wearing, mustache having false idol finally meet their maker (The Don).

A show about Don and his penis...probably. (Luckily, no one watches the show, so there's no one to debate me.)

5 Reasons that Don is better than Chuck Norris, using Chuck Norris' own stupid facts, and a few of my own.
1."Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried."-have a fucking heart Chuck.  Even The Don knows there are times to cry. a.When your team wins the Super Bowl/World Series.
                           b. When babies are born
                           c. When necessary to get into a female's pants, which Don does alot, crying or not, so I guess he just cries for fun sometimes, I don't know.

For the record, Don never looks like this when he cries.  Don only has one type of tear, and that's the single tear slow rolling down his cheek.

 

2. "Chuck Norris really likes the movie 101 Dalmatians. No one knows why."-The unfunniest of all the unfunny Chuck Norris jokes, impressive.  I thank whoever wrote this stupid quote.  I will now use it to point out that Chuck Norris has a vagina, and Don does not. (see big bang theory picture above)

Don imitating life, or life imitating Don?

3. Chuck Norris wears pajama pants-Chuck Norris fights in Pajama pants, similar to a 12 year old girl at a sleepover...what the fuck is cool about that?  Don fight in gear similar to a cross between Mel Gibson in "The Road Warrior", and a ninja suit.

If I would have found this ridiculous outfit sooner, I would be mocking it, not the ridiculous pajama pants.

4. Chuck Norris has a mustache-Don is a clean shaven, professional God.  Grow the fuck up Chuck!

For the love of Don, put your fucking shirt on Chuck.

(editor's note: I have petitioned for shirtless Don pictures, all requests have been denied, sorry ladies)

 

5.There are no blogs full of stupid facts turned into weird, unfunny fads going around concerning the Don...or are there?
Best Blog Ever Written.................................about Don Shaw

Donald Shaw, more impressive than Jesus

Yesterday my back fucking hurt.  I left work an hour early to go to a "doctor."  This "doctor" basically called me a pussy and told me to get my shit together.  Fuck that guy.  He left me with some goddamn muscle relaxants and an anti inflammatory.  Fucking Bullshit.  What the fuck was I thinking?  Going to that fucking sham doctor, buying into the pharmaceutical industries propaganda.  I was an idiot.

Meet Doctor Chucklefuck, Dr. Chuckles originally diagnosed me as having cancer of the vagina.

In the end, I believe I redeemed myself Don-sciples.  I meditated and I went back to the core source of all of our powers, our lives.  I went to the Don.  In seconds, my back was healed, not unlike Jesus healing the blind man.  The only difference was healing back pain is more impressive, and Don is cooler than Jesus.  I guarantee you, if you ask anyone who's back is hurting which miracle is more impressive, they will tell you healing the mysteries of their back pain.  Ask a blind man who is cooler, and he will surely say Don is cooler than Jesus.  Ipso facto, Don, and his miracle are more impressive.

Jesus healing a blind man, impressive enough, at least for his time.

So with our minds turned to all that the Don has, will, and can do for us we give him thanks.  Thank You Don Shaw, for doing what you do, and for watching my shoes. 

Fuck you Guy (Fiere)!

As we speak The Don is performing one of his miracles.  He is turning regular paper into food for us.  Fantastically delicious drunken chicken to be specific.  He left the house with nothing but paper bills in his pocket, and came back with food.  He may have hunted for the chicken, I can’t say for certain, but, I’m fairly sure he just miracled the paper into chicken.  He did all of this while not looking like a douche bag.   

 The king of the douches. Fiere 0, Don 1.

Oh, and another miracle, he just created fire on the grill, Don, Don is my hero.  Eat your heart out Anthony Bourdain.  I say we all boycott food network until The Don gets his own show.  It is only right.  He is not only a better cook than anyone currently on the network, and, he is surely better looking.  

Rachel Ray would S*** a D**** to S*** Don’s D***.

 Martha Stewart would do unspeakable things to get a piece of that Don pie...she's been to jail and she ain't going back!

I plead the fifth

Yep, so, Don beat me again.  He is the best at everything.  He beat me at poker and totally didn't have to buy back in or anything.  He beat me at beer pong.  He was the life of the party, the most popular guy in the room at all times, and went to bed with 5 women....5? 5 Don?  Why 5?  What the fuck did you all do?  Was there a fucking tea party going on in there that I was not invited to?  5?!  Don damn it!  

"1, 2, 3, 4, fif."  I kept hearing Don sing that all night.  Ridiculous Don, 5!!!I know it's blasphemous to say, but you can be a real greedy bastard.

So I was forced to sit up all night (alone)pondering what they could have been doing.  I came up with 5 things.

The 5 things Don and those 5 women could have been doing.
1.  6-some-this is the most likely of the possibilities.  Don's body is a weapon of mass seduction.  Frankly, I would be impressed with each woman's will power if they didn't all bang him.  My only issue with this one is I am not sure if a 6-some is a real thing.  It might just be two separate three-somes on the same bed.  Oh. Never mind, Don just assured me that it is a real thing and that it is one happened.  That renders the rest of this list unnecessary...fuck it.

 Don's government required scarlet letter.  By the time most women get close enough to read it, it's too late.  

(pictured above:some fucker apparently thought up this genius phrase before I did, I was shocked noone had when it hit me last night.  For some reason since I had never heard it I assumed I made it up, the above picture was a big let down.)

2.Having a tea party-most logical explanation
3. Sleep Over!!-I was pulling for this one.
4. Hide and go seek-turns out they kinda were.
5. Watching a movie-I would have voted for finding nemo.


This may be somewhat of an issue friends.  Don has used his weapons of mass seduction numerous times, and i believe he will use them again.  While this is a great thing for women everywhere, who will be more satisfied than they ever thought possible.  The world is already overpopulated, and I am not sure what we need is a bunch of super strong baby Dons running around.  I beg you Don, no more pregnancies!!!  Please, be the hero i know you can be...In the end, I will trust your decision, I know it will be right.

You made the earth sad Don...i don't wanna say that's not cool, what with you being The Don and all, but come on, look at his face.  He looks exhausted.

ha ha, take that stupid earth.  Earth 0, Don's Penis 1

The Problem with Don

It's not really a problem, so much as that it's frustrating.  I have never beaten Don at anything.  I fucking hate it.  He consistently beats me at ping pong, darts, and woo-ing women.  He gets paid more than me, is better looking than me, and dresses better than me.  It gets so frustrating. 

Tonight we're playing beer pong and poker.  It's pretty much like I am getting drunk on Don (because of how badly he is going to beat me).  Additionally, prior to getting drunk on Don, i will defacto donate money to him because he is going to dominate everyone in poker.

But, I can't be mad, in the end this is what living The Don is all about.  You challenge yourself in an attempt to make yourself better, and he beats you.  C'est la vie.  Living The Don lets us all acknowledge that only one person is perfect.  In knowing that we can never reach his level it allows all of us to accept our flaws.  Additionally, it puts us in our place.  You'll never see me talking shit to anyone, because I know at any moment The Shaw-man can come and dominate me.  Bless you for that Donald Shaw.  You're my hero.  Love The Don.  Goodnight everyone.

Don is great, Don is good...

 let us thank Don for our food, by his hands we all are fed, give us Don our daily Don.



Don is the fucking man, nobody can fuck with him.  He's such a great Don and I cannot wait to help you all get to know him better.  Today he made a child's wish come true, it would have been a dying wish, but Don healed her.  I'm getting a head of myself here...


Today a little girl went looking for vengeance.  Her father had been murdered in some state out west.  No one was searching for the outlaw...until she found Don.  She was looking for a man with 'true grit', and she believed she had found that man/deity.  She was right.  "I'm a man who has true grit" he boldly declared in an accent way better than any ever conceived by that fucking hack John Wayne.

 Don looked something like this, except a lot more bad ass.

(pictured above: fucking hack)

Editor's Note: If you haven't seen "True Grit", this post may confuse you.  If you have seen "True Grit", take it easy on me, it's been a few weeks, I don't remember it all that well.  Point being, if you haven't seen the movie I will ruin the ending for you.  If that happens, I will have saved you from hearing the movie's characters saying the title of the movie a billion times

When you finish practicing your 'A-B-Cs' maybe you can work on not sounding so stupid when you say 'True Grit'

So they hopped in Don's truck and headed for the west.  Donald Shaw don't need no stinking GPS.  By the way, this mid-20s man taking a pre-pubescent girl cross-country totally wasn't weird.  Donald Shaw is, as previously discussed, infallible, and at the very least more trustworthy than Jesus Christ.  

Some Native Americans were killed, Don bitch slapped a man who for some reason thought it was appropriate to whip the little girl, all kinds of western side adventures were had.  Like 5 minutes later Don caught and murdered the murderer.  This should have been the end of the story. 


Unfortunately/Deservedly, the stupid little girl fell into a fucking deep ass snake pit.  Don pulled her out and murder all the snakes for being such creepy, gross, evil creatures.  The stupidly little girl had been bit.  So Don healed the snake bite (suck it Bear Grylls). 

Picture all those snakes in a deep ass cave.  Fuck me, I'm never going out west if they really have shit like this.

Don is like the make a wish foundation, but with a better motto.   Still, Don was kind of annoyed by the girl's ignorance, so he cut off her arm to teach her a lesson about asking someone for too many favors(what can I say?  He can be a cruel Don.).   

Don-A-Wish:  "Making dreams come true, healing people, kicking ass, and when appropriate, taking names"
Long story short, Don killed the asshole outlaw, fulfilled the little girl's wish, healed her wound, and then put the pimp hand down.  How many times i gotta say it?...Just another day in the life.

"Music, money, mayhem"...for schizzle.
Editor's Note:I may actually have to see this movie...Note 'Avon Barksdale' and 'Marlo Stanfield' from HBO's "The Wire"

Love is a battlefield

There we stood in the Garden of Good and Evil at the center of FSU's campus, Don and I ready to brawl against Ranger Rob and the Mighty Morphin Bob Rangers.

that's supposed to read "Bob Rangers Ninja Storm"...stupid internet.

   The Bob Rangers, VS.

Sting (my alter ego) and Robo-Don, protector of all men and machines

The Dastardly attack dog Drew is sent out first, the laser from Drew's eyes shot right at Don's back, I dove in front, valiant, but foolish, it would be the end of my life...I'll be blogging from Don Heaven from here on out, i suppose.

Hello Darkness, my old friend.

I left my master but one request..."Vanquish me!"...and vanquish he did, Deacons.  He refocused on the fight, shooting those beautiful blue beams out of his eyes, freezing Drew-cifer in his place. "I guess the Attack Drew couldn't stand up to the Attack Don" he snidely yet coolly remarked.  To be clear, he didn't kill the dog, just suspended it in time, this is a family blog.

 "I told that motherfucker, Don ain't never scared! What?! Don ain't never scared, Don ain't never scared"

Next up was Tommy "the Tommy Gun" Smith (I'm not sure why the Rangers insist on copying the Asian bad guy karate movie strategy of attacking one at a time, always baffled me.), foolishly charging at Don with nothing but a club, counting on his brute strength to win him the battle.  Rightfully so, I guess, Tommy's pretty fuckin strong, he once beat me in arm wrestling like four or five times in a row...but that is a story for another day.  Tommy lunged at Don, swinging his mighty club.  Don easily ducked under the club, utilizing his 'Flash' Shaw speed, and immediately connected on a punch to the kidney.  It was brutal.  Tommy immediately collapsed in a heap upon himself.  He was finished...one punch.  He had forgotten about Donald Shaws super strength, which is unrivaled.  I once saw Don bench press 550 pounds...30 times...the man is a machine, swear to Don.

I almost forgot the part where Don blocked the club with his arm and snapped it in half.

Last but certainly not least of the minions to attack was Aimee-baby.  She casually strolled up to Don, smiling and playfully winking at him...a lesser man such as myself would have instantly melted, but not Donald Shaw.  Donald merely looked at her with his piercing blue eyes, and asked "hey what you drinkin babe?"  Genius...Donald had decided to play along, before long, the two found out that they were both, in the words of the fantastic Lady Antebellum "just looking for a good time."  Aimee gave Don her number, hinting that if he called tonight he might just get lucky.  Aimee withdrew from the fight, neither she nor Don knew who's side she was on anymore.  He didn't quite trust her yet, but, he just might love her.  Still that might be her plan along, we didn't know the answer to that at this point, disciples.

 Don and Aimee's battleground

Clearly miffed by Don possibly stealing his girlfriend Ranger Rob finally stepped up to attack.(I feel ya on that one Ranger Rob, it's like the women i pick up (that's right, plural) think that just because i worship Don they are obligated to have sex with him (they are)).  Kinda frustrating sometimes, so, I feel ya dawg...we're still mortal enemies, but, I feel ya.  Without his cronies Ranger Rob was no match for Don, a quick backhand and a pat on the ass and Rob was praying for it all to end.

Not so bad ass now, are you Ranger Rob?  You gonna cry?  Huh, is the little baby gonna cry?  Oh, no, life didn't turn out to be all you thought it would be, did it?

Don spent the night with Aimee, while she massaged his wounds, which appeared to mostly be on his penile area (weird, right?).  Judging by the moans emanating from the room, Aimee had found a new side.

Artist's re-creation of what I saw when I walked in to the room...Don wouldn't let me take pictures, again.  I'm sorry.  For a man who is literally a god, he can be kinda shy sometimes.

So he banished Rob from the great Tally, Rob was crushed...where would he find another capital city, college town with an historically black college nearby?  Dear Don!  Rob would have to go back to Baton Rouge, dear Don indeed.  So he sunk his head, heading for the rolling hills of Baton Rouge, screaming some shit about "having his vengeance or taking it out on the world", but i had kinda zoned out.  Didn't seem important, i don't know.

How're you gonna take the World out on a date Rob?  Why would he wanna take the world out..whatever, to each his own, i suppose.

So to summarize the day,, Don kicked some ass, got the girl, and banished the bad guy...just another day in the life.

PS...No animals were harmed in the making of this blog post (it feels really cliche, but i figured i'd throw the joke out there and see what happens, fuck it.)